The paradox between following God and following whatever it is that makes life fun and frivolous. To know God is to follow God, because to follow Jesus is so far from just an intellectual decision.
I lose my mind when I am obedient to God, and I lose heart when I just learn information about God.
When I didn't know God, I did as I please, with only happiness and self gain as the end goal. This led to a bleeding echo bouncing off the emptiness of a hollow heart. This kind of echo leads to sleepless nights, slow motion days and life lived in regret and what ifs. Now, when seen by the outsider, it is a life of playing and laughing and looking to simply gain more. It has a certain shine to it, a sparkle that seems quite attractive. Reality waits in the echo.
Knowing and following God leads to serving others and looking to gain more for the sole purpose of giving more. It is about the dissension of self, for the rising praise of God. This will often lead to people hating you, criticizing you, and often leaving you for the false promise of greener grass. Yet, it is in this rejection where God is strong and full of comfort. For every person that finds God, it seems that many more walk away. God asks us to celebrate with the one.
If you want to lead, then get in the back of the line. If you want to truly live, then you need to die to self. If you want the best, then be with and serve the least.
The numbers don't add up and they never, ever will when using the broken calculator of this world.
I feel like a lunatic for following God, and completely insane for being a pastor.
Father God, please beat the hell out of my wants, that I may be left with Your will.