Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Enjoyed a good fourth of July, it was Sarah and I's 2nd anniversary so I thought a lot about the last couple of years and how we've gotten to this point. My wife can never accuse me of not making things interesting, whether that is a good thing is up in the air. My mind has been racing so much lately and reading Donald Miller really inspires me and shocks my mind into crazy places that I have been missing. Part of me feels like a kid again, in my thinking anyway, which is really awesome and also very frustrating. Awesome in the fact that I feel creative again and that nothing is absurd and anything can be everything and nothing is something with the switch of my mind. Frustrating in I don't know what to do with that. I don't feel I have an outlet for that. I have been dreaming up some crazy stuff lately and writing some just as crazy stuff, which I've shared a tiny bit with my wife, but I am hesitant because it doesn't make sense yet (she of the more academic and structured mind set, which means she is normal and smart so my random weirdness can be scary and confusing). I was watching people paint their experience of Elk Lake while we were at Elk Lake, and it was really amazing to see how they expressed what they were thinking and feeling. It also helped me see that in no way could painting help me express what I am thinking and feeling, at least not in a way that I could explain to people. I could see how it soothed them and allowed them to share something that released their thoughts and the way their heart was beating. I was also able to envision myself spilling paint and seeing things not come out the way my mind sees them, so it would turn into frustration and stress, and not to mention paint stains and naughty language flying around the room (which could be people mad at me for spilling everywhere or me yelling because that orange color looks like... you get the point). I guess I'll stick with writing crazy stories and making random noises and outbursts (fart noises with my mouth, off the wall comments about why I find comfort in mustard stains on that fat guy's shirt who, by the way, eats as if Oscar Meyer is discontinuing their jumbo hot dog selection. And of course yo yo ma). I'm sure paintings look a little more pleasant and people seem to say, "that is really cool" a lot to paintings, but I feel pretty good about the language I've been given and I'm hopeful God will direct me to the place and opportunity where it can be released (and by place I don't necessarily mean location, so whether you like it or not, I don't want to move).

Wallace D.

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